Steady My Heart.

I was serving on COG's at the racecourse this morning. Orange and green kidlings are aged between 2 and a half years old to six years old. It's a lovely age group and I work with a fantastic team. Today I surprised myself and rejigged my perception of COG's. I learnt something new as well as hopefully teaching the children :) We're currently working through a storybook Bible and today we were talking about the Fall and the fact that Adam and Eve had to leave the garden. One image most people will have when they think about creation is this; Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and realised they were naked. They covered themselves with fig leaves. When God sent them away from Eden He clothed them (Genesis 3:21 " The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them"). Today's title however, God clothes us with His love . We were banished from Eden but we were not abandoned. As humans were are covered...

This weekend marks two years since I flew the nest and came to Uni. My middle sister is now following suit but headed for a different city and a different course. I've been reading over old journals again recently and feeling pretty nostalgic and I guess a little sad. Freshers is meant to be a time of trying out new activities, getting drunk making new friends and generally just "loving life". Now, don't get me wrong...I did do some of this; First night drinks Myself and Beth (housemate) Freebies at Freshers Fair Amelia, Beth, myself, Laura     Foam party UV rave But I also did a fair amount of crying, weighing myself, hiding in my room and wishing the whole world would swallow me up. Things were so different back then. I miss being slim so so much. I cannot believe I wasted hours of my time standing on the scales berating myself for being fat, and look at me now, gone completely the other way. I am trying to address the weight I'...

Say hello to some of this years student leaders... I return from some time away with CCK student leaders feeling completely exhausted but glad to have been a part of it. We spent our time getting to know each other, getting to know our mission better and getting to know Jesus on a deeper level. Lots of worship, prayer, fun and games and not very much sleep! I so didn't want to be there, I don't feel worthy of being a leader, I don't feel like I belong at CCK, that I have friends, that anyone cares about me, there are cliques of which I belong to none. I feel like the other leaders look at me, judge me and think I've just screwed up too much. CCK can be very lonely at times, being in a big church and feeling like no-one knows your name is horrible. However, I was invited and a couple of people really encouraged me to go, so I did. And what did we spend a lot of time focussing on? CCK has cliques that need combating AND no-one has gone too far from God/sinned so ...

Today I was reunited with my lovely Pippa...it's great being in a new house with great new house mates but I miss having Pippa so close. We had lots to catch up on and we did so over pizza, salad and a free pudding as the waiter liked us! During our conversation Pippa said something which really struck me: "It's nice to see you smiling and looking so happy" Pippa saw me go through some really tough stuff over the past year and I value her opinion of me. She's visited me in hospital, she's held me while I've cried, she's made me cook proper food, have showers and get out of the house when all I want to do is curl up in a ball. Looking back I even love her for the times she practically dragged me to church only for me to walk out/cry in a heap during worship. So for her to say I'm looking happy meant a lot. And it's true, I am happy. And the best bit? For the first time in four years this is not a medicated happy. For the first time in ...

Working with Team Foxtrot is currently the highlight of my summer. I met some brilliant people and got to spend time doing first response stuff and using the skills I've spent so many hours acquiring! Really hoping that it'll be the start of getting back out on duties with the Red Cross be that SafeSpace or major event stuff. Since getting back I've also signed up to do further modules including Entonox, trauma, medical and others...exciting times. More than one person has asked why I'm pursuing teaching still when my heart lies in something more medical and to be quite honest I'm still not 100% sure. My current reasoning however is teaching has a longer career length, it would not be possible to still be working as a paramedic aged 60, it's not so unrealistic to still be in a classroom! Plus, I do love teaching and I don't know whether I would love medical stuff if it was my career? I volunteer because I enjoy it, just like I play my clarinet because I enjo...

So in case you hadn't noticed...I've been away for a fortnight and will do a proper update sometime but for today I want to look at one of the most read news stories on the BBC recently. Tony Nicklinson has died after refusing food for the past week and contracting pneumonia. You can read the BBC's story here . Euthanasia is such a sticky sticky subject and I can't say that I've fully formed my opinion on it. I did however attend a seminar on the topic while I was away and have read various bits and pieces in the past. I am by no means an intelligent writer or a theology genius so bear with me! So, starting with where I'm at personally... I can understand the logic and the desire of many people for euthanasia to be made legal in this country. I really really do. I read about certain peoples situations and how desperate they feel and feel that their argument is valid. However, I can't justify euthanasia biblically (in my opinion) and this is where ...

Back when I first started writing I wrote a post entitled Tachycardia briefly explaining what had been going on with my health and that we were stuck in a bit of a no-mans-land. Yesterday, nearly a year after my first admission I have a diagnosis! For those of you with a medical background; postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) with episodes of hypoglycemia. There's some general dysautomonia and they're still pursuing neuro follow up although we're hopeful that I can be discharged and just remain under cardiology. My tilt table showed an increase of 60bpm post-GTN,  intolerance of exercise (40bpm increase on standing and hit 150bpm within first minute). 7 day monitor showed persistent tacycardia (hit 190bpm at rest on more than one occasion). For those of you to whom that makes no sense...it's a name that explains the majority of my symptoms. It accounts for symptoms that I didn't even realise were related to the heart stuff so it's taking a wh...