Steady My Heart.

This weekend marks two years since I flew the nest and came to Uni. My middle sister is now following suit but headed for a different city and a different course. I've been reading over old journals again recently and feeling pretty nostalgic and I guess a little sad. Freshers is meant to be a time of trying out new activities, getting drunk making new friends and generally just "loving life". Now, don't get me wrong...I did do some of this; First night drinks Myself and Beth (housemate) Freebies at Freshers Fair Amelia, Beth, myself, Laura     Foam party UV rave But I also did a fair amount of crying, weighing myself, hiding in my room and wishing the whole world would swallow me up. Things were so different back then. I miss being slim so so much. I cannot believe I wasted hours of my time standing on the scales berating myself for being fat, and look at me now, gone completely the other way. I am trying to address the weight I'...

*Apologies...post contains some swearing in quotes* An atypical eating disorder. Otherwise known as EDNOS. It can be just as life threatening as anorexia without any of the "glory" bestowed upon those with the "self control" to starve themselves. Looking over an old personal journal, I have picked out the following. The posts are over a year old but are far more articulate than I can be at the moment... I hate this no-mans-land. This week I've been a "bulimic", last week I tended more to "anorexia" but I'm obviously not very good at either and I totally fail at "healthy". Many patients who do not meet full criteria for these diseases are nevertheless quite ill, and the diagnosis they now receive, “Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified,” may delay their ability to get treatment. “It is a bit misleading to patients — it can make them feel like they don’t have a real eating disorder,” 60 percent of EDNOS patients ...

"What I believed wasn't the truth, but I still lived every moment under its power. I couldn't help it. Every move that I made, every word that came out of my mouth, the way I treated people, and the way I let them treat me was a direct result of an inner list of beliefs written on the fabric of my existence. My truth was: I'm dirty. My truth was: I'm ugly. My truth was : I'm unworthy of love. So as an innocent little girl, learning the ropes of life, I did what any little girl in my position would do. I acted out what I believed to be true." Christa Black. When I opened this book I assumed it would be another cheesy "just love yourself because God loves you". It wasn't. It got to the heart of things and it was SO relatable. I believe(d) I was these derogatory things so they became my life. I've just picked out some key quotes that really spoke to me, but in general I loved the whole book. It made me cry, it made me think about the way...