Steady My Heart.

My very first day of placement was actually not that memorable. I felt like I spent most of the day wandering around after others, repeatedly reminding people that I'm a first year, first placement student and I spent a significant amount of time avoiding answering the phone that was incessantly ringing! Probably the key thing that I'd reflect on now, is that in handover, nobody actually introduced themself, showed me around or explained what the hell was expected of me. Everyone was friendly enough though and I hadn't forgotten how to talk to patients so things were okay! Upon leaving, everyone said that the second day would be better and they were right! The second day became a day of many firsts. My first drug round, changing a dressing alone for the first time, writing in patients notes for the first time, answering the phone with the phrase "X ward, Student Nurse Laura speaking" for the first of many many times! I felt I really found my feet and got on well...

At the beginning of the year, I posted about a shift on another ward and how I was so relieved to return to my own ward, how I felt out of my comfort zone, how the grass isn't always greener elsewhere! However, in the past fortnight I have worked two shifts on a different ward to my usual and have LOVED it. So what was different? Firstly, people introduced themselves. It seems so simple - but knowing peoples names makes you feel part of the team. I honestly think it should be compulsory for all healthcare workers to wear a visible name badge. If it's hard as a member of staff in a strange environment, I cannot imagine how daunting it must be for patients, particularly when then staff change from shift to shift. Secondly, back in January, I was very much in a honeymoon period regarding my job. My enthusiasm was boundless and I thought my ward was faultless. 9 months down the line and I have matured in my role and also come to the realisation that no ward is perfect - we a...

At 22, I have seen more dead or dying people in the past month than most people see in a life time.    Don't get me wrong...I love patient care and I even love end of life care, but I am tired. So very tired. I am tired of being short staffed, I am tired of feeling inadequate, I am tired of trying my hardest and still feeling like it's not good enough. It scares me that at 22 I am tired, yet I'm hopefully dedicating the rest of my life to healthcare. I think work has become the outlet of my stress right now. Work feels like the one big thing in my life that is stressful and unbearable. However, I think the more likely scenario is that I'm bottling up lots of little stressors which means my resilience for tough stuff at work is zilch. I don't remember the last shift I made it through without crying before, during or after.  I love my job. I know I love my job. So what else has gone wrong that means work is so hard right now? Physically, I have been on and off ...

This post initially featured on Britain's Nurses for STNBC : Just another pondering from my recent experience at the other end of the stethoscope. A couple of times a day there are the drug rounds: morning, lunch, dinner, bedtime or thereabouts. The nurses go from patient to patient dishing out the drugs that have been prescribed for that time. A system I'm sure works well, most of the time, or at least some of the time. However, what about the patients with multiple long term conditions, those with polypharmacy and a set routine at home? I am great at managing my medication (when I'm not being stubborn), I have a multi-coloured dosette box that I fill at the beginning of the week. It's great. I can identify each of my medications just by looking at it, tell you what I take it for, the dosage, and when it should be taken. So shouldn't we be giving expert patients more autonomy over their "usual" medications even when they're an inpatient...

Recently, I was unfortunately poorly enough to see life from the other end of the hospital bed. I was poorly with sepsis but due to my pre-existing condition (POTS) I was automatically a "falls risk". POTS means I am more prone to fainting than your average 22 year old, even more so when I'm poorly. However, being categorised as a falls risk would possibly have been hugely detrimental to my recovery had I not been very well educated abut autonomic dysfunction and how quickly I would become deconditioned. During my 8 days on the ward, I had plenty of time to mull over attitudes to inpatient falls. Where I work falls are seen as a very bad thing . Our morning meeting involves a reminder of how many days since our last fall and how many we've had that month. As HCA's we've had various training sessions on falls prevention and are given frequent reminders to declutter bed spaces and make sure we're doing all we can to prevent falls. We often have bays where ...

I initially wrote this blog post for STNBC and Britain's Nurses...you can view it on their site with a clicky here . Recently, I had one of those shifts where I got glimpses of my future as a student and then a staff nurse...a shift where I fulfilled my role as an HCA but also caught glimpses of my future roles. I was working with some of my favourite nurses - it was a busy day, but in a nice way that made the shift pass. These nurses are my favourites because they're my friends, however they're also my favourites because they can see my potential and treat me with respect - not just as their skivvy. On this day, I helped with washes, filled in food charts, assisted patients to mobilise, made trips to pharmacy and pathology. But I also got to help with catheterisation, to place an NG tube, to change a dressing. I did nothing above my role but just getting to experience these procedures - to lend a simple hand holding a leg, holding the patients hand and reassuring - I...

This week has been incredibly hectic at work. One of the nurses was telling me that it's the same every year - in January everyone is much sicker. Working on an acute surgical ward - our patients are often sick, but this week it's emergency buzzer after emergency buzzer and the majority of them have been genuine. The critical care outreach team and ITU registrar might as well permanently move in they've been up to us so much. So after a busy and stressful week, on my final shift before a run of annual leave I got sent to support another ward who were short staffed. Now, I present myself as confident and self assured. The reality? I think I am crap at my job, I'm kind of just waiting for this bubble to burst and Matron to sack me. Now I *know* that's not the truth, because my colleagues tell me otherwise but it's how I feel. I am however, becoming more confident. I am comfortable in my own environment, I know the routine, the little jobs I can occupy myself w...

My first two shifts of 2014 have been challenging. Same story that is repeated in hospitals all over the country, not enough staff, too many patients. I like to give my best to my patients and it makes me frustrated when I can't do that. It's the "little things" that get missed when we're busy - the aqueous cream on someone's dry feet, the shower over a wash, the hair wash and French plait for a woman who normally takes great pride in her looks - the things that aren't "necessary" but make a patient feel good! In the past 2 days I changed incontinent patients 12 times (and that's just the bedbound ones...), I am bruised from where a scared patient grabbed my hand and arm so tightly, I didn't do lots of my HCA jobs - stuff like checking the sharps bins aren't full - because there just wasn't time. Yesterday, I didn't pee for my entire shift and came home incredibly dehydrated - because there just wasn't time....

This week marks a month in the new job as well as the arrival of another group of freshers. I cannot believe it's been 3 years since moving to Brighton. My time here has been some of the worst and some of the best of my life. Even this year has had some crap yet such progress too. Looking back, I am so glad I started teaching - it's what brought me to Brighton and this is my home now. I love it here, I feel truly settled, I have a great house, church, friends. However, there are absolutely no regrets in having given it up. I'd grown up always believing I'd be a teacher yet at the same time loved all things medical...documentaries, dramas, news stories. I was so curious and interested yet never considered it as a career path. After just a month on the ward I feel so at home - of course, I'm still learning, there are days where I arrive and just feel totally out of my depth but for the most part; I love my job - even the 5:30 starts don't feel like a chore just ...

Yup. I really said that. And unfortunately, there's digital evidence of it so I can't just pretend it never happened. And actually...it was a genuine thought at the time. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that His plans are for my good, that I have a future and it is wonderful. I know that I am loved and created by the most incredible Father. But do I always believe it? No. So, sitting in occupational health last week, having been double booked I was sure that God hated me, and that I was never ever going to start my new job. The wait to start has felt so long, the health hurdles, the financial hurdles. Everything has just felt so long winded and I was tired and worn. I had lost hope and trust. Yet, even in my doubt, Jesus has got me. Occupational health squeezed me in, the gave me the clearance I knew I already had, the promised to send the necessary emails. HR squeezed me onto this week's induction and I recieved my official startdate. Today. I star...

I am a comfort eater. I find it hard to admit - but actually most people's attitude to food changes in relation to stress - some under eat, others like me - comfort eat. And as much as I wish I lost my appetite when stressed, I just don't. So at 22:43 I am sat here writing about being stressed, eating hazelnut chocolate spread from the jar. I kind of bargained with myself - if I did something constructive like blogging, then it wasn't so bad to comfort eat because y'know - at least I'd actually be processing some of the stress. So why am I stressed? I still haven't got an official start date for my new job. The hope is that I will start this coming Monday, but it's looking less and less likely as the days go on. Tomorrow I am seeing Occy Health again and will the proceed to bombard HR with phone calls until I know what's going on. I am so ready to start and financially I cannot cope any more. I can barely afford food - thus making comfort eating co...

Last week, I read Disabled Medic 's wonderful blog on the NHS. Today, I logged on to Twitter to find #ILoveOurNHS trending.65 years on and we are in the process of losing our wonderful health service - I don't profess to knowing the politics or exact plans - I was never good at that kind of stuff. All I know is the anecdotal evidence of  healthcare professionals on Twitter, the dumbed down, sensationalised newspapers and the odd blog here and there. It's made me realise how much we'll miss the NHS if and when it's gone for good. The NHS has employed my Mum ever since I was born - giving us a stable income, allowing her career progression and she now works in a job that she loves despite the long hours. She's been a radiographer, a sonographer and now she manages a triple A screening programme. I am so proud of how hard my Mum works and that she's able to do it for an organisation such as the NHS. The NHS has looked after each member of my family at one ...