Steady My Heart.

I initially wrote this blog post for STNBC and Britain's Nurses...you can view it on their site with a clicky here . Recently, I had one of those shifts where I got glimpses of my future as a student and then a staff nurse...a shift where I fulfilled my role as an HCA but also caught glimpses of my future roles. I was working with some of my favourite nurses - it was a busy day, but in a nice way that made the shift pass. These nurses are my favourites because they're my friends, however they're also my favourites because they can see my potential and treat me with respect - not just as their skivvy. On this day, I helped with washes, filled in food charts, assisted patients to mobilise, made trips to pharmacy and pathology. But I also got to help with catheterisation, to place an NG tube, to change a dressing. I did nothing above my role but just getting to experience these procedures - to lend a simple hand holding a leg, holding the patients hand and reassuring - I...

This post was mainly written at about 3am this morning, as such it's somewhat disjointed and probably makes little sense but it kind of says a lot about where I am right now so I'm going to post it anyway... I'm also going to use it as my link in with Monday Ministry over on Tania's blog .  I turn 21 tomorrow. Birthdays are difficult - they're a celebration yet I also find myself looking back over all the things I have failed at. Right now, life feels like a bit of a train wreck. I'm struggling to have hope for my future and in all honesty, I have no desire to celebrate. I haven't been to church in weeks, I've stopped messaging people back when they ask where I am, I've stopped trusting that God has a plan for me, and that it doesn't matter that I don't know what that plan is. I got rejected from the course I'd applied to do. That rejection has hit me so deeply and left me questioning my entire existence. The first evening I bawled m...