"It's nice to see you looking so happy"

Today I was reunited with my lovely Pippa...it's great being in a new house with great new house mates but I miss having Pippa so close.

We had lots to catch up on and we did so over pizza, salad and a free pudding as the waiter liked us! During our conversation Pippa said something which really struck me:

 "It's nice to see you smiling and looking so happy"

Pippa saw me go through some really tough stuff over the past year and I value her opinion of me. She's visited me in hospital, she's held me while I've cried, she's made me cook proper food, have showers and get out of the house when all I want to do is curl up in a ball. Looking back I even love her for the times she practically dragged me to church only for me to walk out/cry in a heap during worship. So for her to say I'm looking happy meant a lot. And it's true, I am happy. And the best bit?

For the first time in four years this is not a medicated happy. For the first time in four years I'm not taking any antidepressants and it feels great. To know that the fact I'm enjoying life right now is because life is enjoyable, because I have great friends, because I'm doing great things rather than because there are some chemicals messing with some other chemicals in my body to make me believe that I'm happy is amazing!

I'm not saying everyday is a party or that I always feel on top of the world. But who does?

I feel normal. And it is AMAZING. To those who've never experienced depression or the like, never take your mental health for granted. To those who are struggling with depression, keep holding on. It's not forever. Some days I still want to stay in bed, some days I still wish I could hide from the world, some days I'll cry at the prospect of leaving the house. But some days I'll giggle for no apparent reason, I'll open my blinds and be happy to be alive, some days I'll spend time with friends, loving them and being loved in return. Some days I'll walk along the beach and smile that I live in such an incredible part of the world. Some days I'll work as part of a first aid team and love every minute of it. And some days I'll be a mixture of everything.

No-one can be always happy or always sad but I'm appreciating more happy days than sad!

I wouldn't change my experiences for the world. They've made me who I am today. A person who can appreciate happiness well and truly. 


So...what amazing things have I been enjoying recently?

S'mores

Getting dressed up for a girly night out

Watching sunsets

Rides on the pier
Weddings

Team Foxtrot
And that's just the beginning, here's to many more lovely experiences over the coming weeks and months :)

TTFN x

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