Steady My Heart.

I am a comfort eater. I find it hard to admit - but actually most people's attitude to food changes in relation to stress - some under eat, others like me - comfort eat. And as much as I wish I lost my appetite when stressed, I just don't. So at 22:43 I am sat here writing about being stressed, eating hazelnut chocolate spread from the jar. I kind of bargained with myself - if I did something constructive like blogging, then it wasn't so bad to comfort eat because y'know - at least I'd actually be processing some of the stress. So why am I stressed? I still haven't got an official start date for my new job. The hope is that I will start this coming Monday, but it's looking less and less likely as the days go on. Tomorrow I am seeing Occy Health again and will the proceed to bombard HR with phone calls until I know what's going on. I am so ready to start and financially I cannot cope any more. I can barely afford food - thus making comfort eating co

"On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough You get mad, you get strong Wipe your hands, shake it off Then you stand, yeah, then you stand Every time you get up And get back in the race One more small piece of you Starts to fall into place, yeah Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of You might bend til you break Cause it's all you can take" A year ago today, I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (PoTS) and it was a huge relief. Yep, you read the right...being diagnosed with a chronic, life-changing illness and I felt relieved . For a long time prior to my diagnosis I had suffered with collapses of unknown cause, and more recently in the year leading up to my diagnosis it was suggested that I was suffering from psychogenic seizures. Now, psuedo- or psychogenic seizures are a real phenomenon, they're not just someone "faking". However, I knew that this was not the answer to wha

For anyone who's read my blog, it's probably no surprise that I have experienced mental health problems. These days I'm pretty open about most of it - the first time I "outed" myself was for Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2012 and since then, there are regular references to my experiences of mental illness. I sit here today writing this blog as someone who has experienced mental illness. I do not call myself a "sufferer", I would not choose to have been ill however, it has taught me a lot and made me the person I am today. To me, it is just another experience. On the whole, I would view myself as someone living in recovery as opposed to a few years ago, when my life felt consumed by depression and disordered eating. My life these days is full of love and laughter and friendship but also still a heck of a lot of tough times. Part of my recovery is accepting that life is not easy. Recovery doesn't mean my life is okay now - it means I've