Steady My Heart.

A fortnight of induction is over. And I'm sat here on a Saturday morning, surrounded by paperwork, books and a wealth of online resources feeling slightly more than a tad overwhelmed. I want to be a good student. I want to be the best nurse I can possibly be. I want to read everything and do everything and be everything and know everything. Right this second. But I can't. It's a 3 year degree with a lifetime's worth of CPD for a reason. I will never know it all. It's been a fairly bitty week; admin, learning how to reference and reflect, meeting my personal tutor, and generally preparing for placement, including occupational health. I have been passed as fit for placement without any doubt or questions from my wonderful occupational health nurse. She said I look and sound like a different person to when she last saw me.This was a massive confidence boost and has reminded me that I am doing okay - I am still anxious and low at times but I am okay. I am coping and m...

It's the end of my first week as a student nurse. Times flies. In the past few months, there has honestly been times where I thought this day may never come and I'm still not entirely convinced it's really happening (especially as I'm still waiting on occupation health clearance for placement). However, I'm here and after months of depression, anxiety and tumbling back into my ED the fog is starting to lift. I've made it mostly in one piece and realised just how far I've come from the 18 year old who first started University 5 years ago. I moved to Brighton, a vulnerable 18 year old who relied solely on negative coping mechanisms, I spent my first few years in Brighton swinging from crisis to crisis, desperate for someone to save me but not willing to take any responsibility for my actions. I was doing a degree I knew was wrong for me, but too scared to do anything about it. I was angry and sad about my past and petrified of my future. Now, at nearly 23,...

When I visit Rich and Ruth, I've been along to All Saints Worcester with them to their evening gathering and recently Rich has suggested I listen to a couple of the talks Rich Johnson has done on disappointment...so far I've only listened to the first one...but maybe I 'll write on the others too! The reading came from Psalm 42:1-11 and you can listen to the full talk here . Disappointment is a constant feature in life, each and every one of us will repeatedly experience it yet, we are not great at talking about it or dealing with it. Dealing with disappointment well will allow us to grow - however, if we we don't deal with it? It will hinder and trap us. For me, life has held a fair amount of disappointment in the past few years...I was diagnosed with a life altering condition, I had to leave my degree, I've had countless hospital admissions, houses haven't turned out as I planned, family and friends have been ill and at times, life has quite f...