"Leave scales to the fish"

Once again, Eating Disorders Awareness Week is upon us and once again, I'm breaking the silence. I refuse to hide my story, I refuse to pretend that mental health is not a massive problem in our society. I am and always will be someone who experienced disordered eating. During periods of stress, my eating can still wobble. As much as I live very much recovered - I think I will always be "in recovery". There will always be the potential for relapse. However, the more I learn about myself, the more I learn my triggers.

Looking back to when I was most entrenched in my eating disorder seems odd now. I am a completely different person. I cannot contemplate how sad I must have been to have put my body through what I did. In many ways, it's like I've almost forgotten that time. I remember bits, but with time the pain fades. Every time I write about eating disorders, I realise I'm a little more recovered than the last time I did...and I am proud.

Recovery was the most horrific experience. It is not all roses and rainbows - there's a hell of a lot of thorns and rain along the way! BUT, it was worth it. I still have horrific body image, I'm still not totally there went it comes to food but I'm a million miles from where I started. I am enjoying life, enjoying food, enjoying friendships, enjoying normality. Recovery is hard. It is so so hard, and at times I felt like I was just getting worse - but in reality, if it's not tough, it's not genuine.

I genuinely don't have all that much to say this year, I truly feel my eating disorder is part of my history now, rather than my story and as such, there's less to write about but here are some of my past posts if you fancy a gander:

Can You Tell?
It's Time To Talk
A Bli(m)p
10 Things About Recovery
Mission: Fat-Free Christmas
Atypical
Breaking The Silence

If you're struggling with an eating disorder, I can't emphasise how important it is to speak out. It doesn't make it go away, but it's a step in the right direction.



TTFN x

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