The grass isn't always greener...
This week has been incredibly hectic at work. One of the nurses was telling me that it's the same every year - in January everyone is much sicker. Working on an acute surgical ward - our patients are often sick, but this week it's emergency buzzer after emergency buzzer and the majority of them have been genuine. The critical care outreach team and ITU registrar might as well permanently move in they've been up to us so much.
So after a busy and stressful week, on my final shift before a run of annual leave I got sent to support another ward who were short staffed.
Now, I present myself as confident and self assured. The reality? I think I am crap at my job, I'm kind of just waiting for this bubble to burst and Matron to sack me. Now I *know* that's not the truth, because my colleagues tell me otherwise but it's how I feel. I am however, becoming more confident. I am comfortable in my own environment, I know the routine, the little jobs I can occupy myself with when I get a moment. Being told I was moving to another ward for the shift was horrible - I joked that I was being "banished" because that's what it felt like...that I'm a rubbish part of the team so they wanted to get rid of me. In reality, I know I was probably sent because I'm a strong part of the team and they could rely on me. But that's not how it felt.
So, I turned up on the trauma and orthopaedic ward. It was an incredibly mixed experience. The nursing staff were lovely...although no-one actually introduced themselves. On my ward we all have name badges as well as ID cards. On this ward they don't. So everyone knew my name, but nobody took the time to introduce themselves. It's just a little thing, they were all friendly enough - but I think it would've made a big difference to me. The differences between our wards is huge despite both being in the surgical division - I can't say one is necessarily better than the other but I know where I'm more comfortable as an HCA!
I particularly felt very out of my depth when it came to visiting time. Although I've only worked on digestive diseases a few months, my knowledge base has already grown so much. When it comes to trauma and orthopaedics...I now realise I know essentially nothing. Relatives were asking me a variety of questions and given I'd not been given a proper handover for my 6 patients - this was somewhat challenging.
However, despite the challenges, I enjoyed talking to family members - it was bizarre having six patients as opposed to the usual 10+ I have on digestive diseases. I realised that although I didn't have all the knowledge they wanted, I could divert their questions towards the nurse and converse about the aspects of patient care that I did know about. I also recorded obs, repositioned and toileted patients and did lots of the things I would normally do on my own ward. I was far less busy than I am on a usual shift and as such felt lazy, but there are so many things I can use to time fill on my usual ward whereas here, I was only expected to look after my 6 patients. Not to help clean or tidy anywhere else.
I also did an hour stint "specialing" a patient 1:1. This is always something I find challenging but was actually a surprisingly pleasant experience on this ward. The clientèle of a trauma and orthopaedics ward is far different from digestive diseases where we see a lot of detoxing alcoholics. This patient was able to chat with me for short periods - pain and exhaustion prevented anything to in depth! The hour passed relatively quickly with little stress or drama.
Once I was finished specialing I was allowed to return to my own ward. As lovely as the staff had been, and as interesting as it was to experience somewhere else - I skipped back to my ward with a spring in my step. It was good to be home!
This has shaken me up somewhat. I am so happy with where I'm at and in just a few short months that's all going to change. As it stands - 6 months from now I'll have left my job and be in my final few days in this beautiful city. I'm so torn. I'm ready for change yet I so don't want anything to be different! If just a few hours on a different ward has thrown me - how will I cope with the multitude of placements a nursing degree will throw at me?
I am so comfortable with where I'm at right now. The grass is a pretty spectacular green right now...I don't wanna be on the other side!
So after a busy and stressful week, on my final shift before a run of annual leave I got sent to support another ward who were short staffed.
Now, I present myself as confident and self assured. The reality? I think I am crap at my job, I'm kind of just waiting for this bubble to burst and Matron to sack me. Now I *know* that's not the truth, because my colleagues tell me otherwise but it's how I feel. I am however, becoming more confident. I am comfortable in my own environment, I know the routine, the little jobs I can occupy myself with when I get a moment. Being told I was moving to another ward for the shift was horrible - I joked that I was being "banished" because that's what it felt like...that I'm a rubbish part of the team so they wanted to get rid of me. In reality, I know I was probably sent because I'm a strong part of the team and they could rely on me. But that's not how it felt.
So, I turned up on the trauma and orthopaedic ward. It was an incredibly mixed experience. The nursing staff were lovely...although no-one actually introduced themselves. On my ward we all have name badges as well as ID cards. On this ward they don't. So everyone knew my name, but nobody took the time to introduce themselves. It's just a little thing, they were all friendly enough - but I think it would've made a big difference to me. The differences between our wards is huge despite both being in the surgical division - I can't say one is necessarily better than the other but I know where I'm more comfortable as an HCA!
However, despite the challenges, I enjoyed talking to family members - it was bizarre having six patients as opposed to the usual 10+ I have on digestive diseases. I realised that although I didn't have all the knowledge they wanted, I could divert their questions towards the nurse and converse about the aspects of patient care that I did know about. I also recorded obs, repositioned and toileted patients and did lots of the things I would normally do on my own ward. I was far less busy than I am on a usual shift and as such felt lazy, but there are so many things I can use to time fill on my usual ward whereas here, I was only expected to look after my 6 patients. Not to help clean or tidy anywhere else.
I also did an hour stint "specialing" a patient 1:1. This is always something I find challenging but was actually a surprisingly pleasant experience on this ward. The clientèle of a trauma and orthopaedics ward is far different from digestive diseases where we see a lot of detoxing alcoholics. This patient was able to chat with me for short periods - pain and exhaustion prevented anything to in depth! The hour passed relatively quickly with little stress or drama.
Once I was finished specialing I was allowed to return to my own ward. As lovely as the staff had been, and as interesting as it was to experience somewhere else - I skipped back to my ward with a spring in my step. It was good to be home!
This has shaken me up somewhat. I am so happy with where I'm at and in just a few short months that's all going to change. As it stands - 6 months from now I'll have left my job and be in my final few days in this beautiful city. I'm so torn. I'm ready for change yet I so don't want anything to be different! If just a few hours on a different ward has thrown me - how will I cope with the multitude of placements a nursing degree will throw at me?
I am so comfortable with where I'm at right now. The grass is a pretty spectacular green right now...I don't wanna be on the other side!
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