Worry.
Last week at church we were talking about the borders we put up in our lives, the points of resistance that maybe we're not willing to let God touch yet. A big point of resistance for me at the moment is trusting God with my future. Over and over again I become overwhelmed by fear and worry.
This has prompted me to look back over seminars and talks I've heard on the subject in the past and there's one in particular that came to mind - it was a talk at Momentum last year by Will Vanderhart called Overcoming Worry: real solutions to a persistent problem. It can be purchased here if you fancy listening to the actual talk. Now, I don't see myself as an actively anxious person, but I am someone who stresses about her future and tends to catastrophise and spend my time imagining worst case scenarios where I'm destitute, jobless, homeless and generally just not living out the life I thought I would. Anyway, I also find it helpful to refresh myself on what I've learned in the past and try to apply it to my current situation.
I may not feel anxious, but I am most definitely a problem worrier, I am plagued by the floating worries that rarely become realities. For example, I am currently looking for a full time job. I have an interview for a job which would be perfect. But I am so immensely stressed despite having got an interview.
- What if I don't get the job? I will be unable to pay my rent, or bills, or afford food. What if I do get the job? My health might not be good enough. My colleagues won't like me. I won't be any good. They'll regret employing me. When will I first be paid? How do I continue to afford my rent until then? How will I cope with working shifts? If I don't cope in the job I'll be homeless. I can't afford to get ill again. And it goes on and on and on. Until I'm homeless, bankrupt with no prospect of redeeming myself.
And of course, the age old worry for me - why would anyone employ or like me when I'm FAT.
Of course, the rational reality...
I may or may not get this job. If I don't get this job, I will survive, I will continue to claim benefits and scrape by. I will apply for other jobs. I will find some way through financially. If I get ill again, I get signed off and claim ESA. I already work shifts, I am used to earlies, lates, nights - I already know I can cope with shifts. I have plenty of friends so I can't be that horrific to be around - and even if my colleagues were to hate me? They're just colleagues - I still have my friends, my family, my church. And yes, maybe I am just a little bit fat right now - but being fat does NOT make me a less worthy person. I should not be defined by my exterior and anyone who does judge me in that way has no place in my life anyway.
I would survive if I didn't get this job. Yet, even having written that, even knowing that I would survive - I am completely overwhelmed with stress at the prospect of not getting the job. The worry and fear is like a huge knot in my stomach that makes me want to throw up.
So if talking to myself rationally doesn't help...what does?
You've guessed it - faith. My faith plays a huge part in me remaining calm about my future. The Bible is so clear that I need not be scared, I need not worry:
"Be still and know that I am God" - Psalm 46:10
"For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go" - Psalm 91:11
"The Lord is for me so I will have no fear" - Psalm 118:6
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you, don't be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand" - Isaiah 41:10
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." - Romans 8:28
And those are just a few examples. Plus, there's my church family. I always tend to run from church when things get a bit rough. The prospect of crying in front of people is totally overwhelming so as soon as I feel the tears start to come, I tend to get up an leave. On Sunday, I stayed. I sat out the tears (which were nowhere near as catastrophic as they could have been) and I also made a plan to deal with some of the stress I'm in right now. Asked my lovely hub pastor Megan if we could meet up for coffee which we did today. I've got various people being accountable to me at the moment but I don't feel that there's anyone I'm being truly honest with and that's resulted in me holding a huge amount of stress in. What I'm missing is having a mentor - someone a little wiser than me, someone outside of my social circle, someone who I can turn to to discuss those questions that life throws at me and thankfully Megan is going to help me find someone - yay!
We talked about a compass of people in your life - North being someone who mentors you, South being someone you support and East and West, people at the same point of life, who you can work things out with together and generally just chill out with (in this case, my hub). I've got East, West and South but currently I'm missing my North so very much hoping that finding someone to be my North will help give me some more guidance and direction for my stress rather than unproductive faffing.
I wrote this post in two parts...so it's a tad disjointed - apologies for that but my concetration span leaves somewhat to be desired at the moment!
TTFN x
This has prompted me to look back over seminars and talks I've heard on the subject in the past and there's one in particular that came to mind - it was a talk at Momentum last year by Will Vanderhart called Overcoming Worry: real solutions to a persistent problem. It can be purchased here if you fancy listening to the actual talk. Now, I don't see myself as an actively anxious person, but I am someone who stresses about her future and tends to catastrophise and spend my time imagining worst case scenarios where I'm destitute, jobless, homeless and generally just not living out the life I thought I would. Anyway, I also find it helpful to refresh myself on what I've learned in the past and try to apply it to my current situation.
- There is no shame in worry and it's good to admit when we are.
- We can overcome worry and function normally - it's important to accept that some level of worry and anxiety can actually be helpful.
- The church can make us feel guilty or ashamed about worry - but this is wrong. Worry does not equate to having a lack of faith.
- Worriers often have thought dominance and this threatens are ability to function normally. Problem worriers identify something of concern and then focus in on it and catastrophise.
- Often we will try and immediately withdraw from perceived danger and live our lives defensively as we feel unable to overcome said dangers.
- Everyone has a dominating fear in their life - the fear itself is okay, it's the level of significance in your life that can cause an issue.
- Worriers often don't respond to reassurance and there is rarely ever any resolution to the worries - but conversely the worries rarely become a significant reality.
- There are two main types of worry: solvable worry and floating worry.
- Solvable worry responds to constructive outcomes and is very present, it is natural, normal and often helpful - for example, worry can often stop you being too impulsive. Solvable worry is usually time limited.
- Floating worry generally has destructive outcomes as it is an unsolvable anxiety. Floating worries never become critical but they also never dissipate so it becomes a life habit to worry about something.
- Problem worriers often suffer with low self esteem, anxiety, but are intuitive thinkers and often highly sensitive people.
- We don't allow negative thoughts to just pass us by meaning that we become crowded and struggle to see the positives.
- Nothing in life is certain - apart from Jesus - and as worriers we are intolerant to this uncertainty.
- To begin to overcome worry we need to accept life's uncertainties but this is not easy!
- Searching for certainty is a never ending destructive cycle but if we learn to accept the pain of uncertainty we can work our way out of our worries.
I may not feel anxious, but I am most definitely a problem worrier, I am plagued by the floating worries that rarely become realities. For example, I am currently looking for a full time job. I have an interview for a job which would be perfect. But I am so immensely stressed despite having got an interview.
- What if I don't get the job? I will be unable to pay my rent, or bills, or afford food. What if I do get the job? My health might not be good enough. My colleagues won't like me. I won't be any good. They'll regret employing me. When will I first be paid? How do I continue to afford my rent until then? How will I cope with working shifts? If I don't cope in the job I'll be homeless. I can't afford to get ill again. And it goes on and on and on. Until I'm homeless, bankrupt with no prospect of redeeming myself.
And of course, the age old worry for me - why would anyone employ or like me when I'm FAT.
Of course, the rational reality...
I may or may not get this job. If I don't get this job, I will survive, I will continue to claim benefits and scrape by. I will apply for other jobs. I will find some way through financially. If I get ill again, I get signed off and claim ESA. I already work shifts, I am used to earlies, lates, nights - I already know I can cope with shifts. I have plenty of friends so I can't be that horrific to be around - and even if my colleagues were to hate me? They're just colleagues - I still have my friends, my family, my church. And yes, maybe I am just a little bit fat right now - but being fat does NOT make me a less worthy person. I should not be defined by my exterior and anyone who does judge me in that way has no place in my life anyway.
I would survive if I didn't get this job. Yet, even having written that, even knowing that I would survive - I am completely overwhelmed with stress at the prospect of not getting the job. The worry and fear is like a huge knot in my stomach that makes me want to throw up.
So if talking to myself rationally doesn't help...what does?
You've guessed it - faith. My faith plays a huge part in me remaining calm about my future. The Bible is so clear that I need not be scared, I need not worry:
"Be still and know that I am God" - Psalm 46:10
"For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go" - Psalm 91:11
"The Lord is for me so I will have no fear" - Psalm 118:6
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you, don't be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand" - Isaiah 41:10
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." - Romans 8:28
And those are just a few examples. Plus, there's my church family. I always tend to run from church when things get a bit rough. The prospect of crying in front of people is totally overwhelming so as soon as I feel the tears start to come, I tend to get up an leave. On Sunday, I stayed. I sat out the tears (which were nowhere near as catastrophic as they could have been) and I also made a plan to deal with some of the stress I'm in right now. Asked my lovely hub pastor Megan if we could meet up for coffee which we did today. I've got various people being accountable to me at the moment but I don't feel that there's anyone I'm being truly honest with and that's resulted in me holding a huge amount of stress in. What I'm missing is having a mentor - someone a little wiser than me, someone outside of my social circle, someone who I can turn to to discuss those questions that life throws at me and thankfully Megan is going to help me find someone - yay!
We talked about a compass of people in your life - North being someone who mentors you, South being someone you support and East and West, people at the same point of life, who you can work things out with together and generally just chill out with (in this case, my hub). I've got East, West and South but currently I'm missing my North so very much hoping that finding someone to be my North will help give me some more guidance and direction for my stress rather than unproductive faffing.
I wrote this post in two parts...so it's a tad disjointed - apologies for that but my concetration span leaves somewhat to be desired at the moment!
TTFN x
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