Easter Sunday.

Flashback 3 years: Easter Sunday 2010

 Easter Sunday 2010 was my baptism. I don't remember that many details from the day but I do remember the verse I was given and the song that we sung as I came up from the water...

Romans 8:38-39 "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I chose this song because it was one that had really touched me during that year. Things had been difficult, I was working really hard to recover from an eating disorder, my parents were in the process of getting divorced, I was studying for my A2's, there was lots of uncertainty about the future and this song was one that I clung to - though it often had me in tears.

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

For me, the lyrics to this song are so powerful. They remind me of how awesome* my God is, how holy and magnificent He is, and how useless I am in my own strength. Now, I don't mean useless in a self deprecating way (for once!)...I mean that on my own I am nothing, I have very little to offer especially during those times when my life feels like an utter mess. Yet, despite my empty handed uselessness - God forgives me, He sets me apart, He loves me, He desires my heart and He can use me.

*"inspiring an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, or fear; causing or inducing awe" - Dictionary.com

So that was three years ago. What does Easter Sunday mean to me today?

Today, I celebrate the awesome gift Jesus gave me by dying on the cross for my sins. My life is still an utter mess - I'm learning to accept that there is no such thing as a simple life and that whatever you may have planned for yourself - it often doesn't work out. But none of that matters. I am assured of my destiny, that no matter what happens here on earth - I am loved and I am going to heaven. Nothing I do wrong and nothing I do right can change the way God sees me, because Jesus died on the cross I am righteous. God also doesn't mind that I didn't go to church today because He knows my heart and He sees the time I have spent with Him today.

Today, I walked 3 miles. Now this may seem like a very small thing to your average person, but for me at the moment this is HUGE. I am exhausted, I hurt all over with fatigue but I walked 3 miles with my housemates, I enjoyed it and I didn't keel over. We had lunch out and I enjoyed a chicken, bacon and cheese panini followed by chocolate fudge pudding and cocktails. A few years ago, I couldn't have contemplated having such a highly calorific meal in a restaurant. And yes, I looked at the calories and there was a niggling voice telling me to go for the salad, to skip the pudding, to skip the alcohol. But I didn't listen, and I enjoyed good food in moderation.

I was reading back over old diaries earlier trying to remember more of my baptism and I just felt so incredibly sad for the girl I used to be. I was so consumed by calories, exercise, food and my appearance that the majority of the entry for my baptism day is my fear of how fat I look in the photos. I don't regret getting baptised when I did, my relationship with God was in the right place, I was ready and have continued to grow since, but it's just sad that Easter Sunday 2010, my baptism - which is such a celebration, is remembered in my journals as a day where I ate too much.

My faith is everything to me and therefore Easter Sunday is one of my favourite days of the year. Chocolate is great, bunnies, ducklings, chicks are cute, but nothing beats the feeling of knowing that 2000 odd years ago, people awoke on Easter morning to find that stone rolled away and Jesus alive once more.

"The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me." - Timothy Keller

I feel so happy today, despite what may be happening in my life right now. The clocks have gone forward - and hopefully the weather will take note and warm up very soon! I've eaten great food, drunk yummy cocktails and spent quality time with my wonderful housemates. On top of the fact it's Easter Sunday...I couldn't ask for much more.



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