Feeling valued.

The other week I had a late night heart-to-heart with the wonderful Rachel. It's so great living within walking distance of friends. And Rachel is one of the best. One thing we established as an area that people can struggle in life is that of feeling valued by those around them and as a consequence, struggling to show others how valued they are.

I like to show people that I value them as friends, I love making cards, sending snail mail, meeting friends for coffee, little texts to tell them I love them and that I'm thankful for them. However, I feel that in a lot of my friendships I do a lot of valuing but don't feel valued in return. Now, there could be two reasons for this: 1. I don't believe I'm worthy to be valued. 2. They genuinely aren't showing me that I'm worth anything to them. I'm pretty sure in my case that it's a mixture of the two. I come across as a pretty confident person but my self worth is pretty non existent. However, I do think there's an element of lack of effort from some friends. It's a flaw we all have and it's a pretty vicious cycle. I know I find it harder to value others when I'm not feeling valued myself.

So where does my faith come into this?

Well firstly, over and over again through the Bible I am reminded of my value in Christ:

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth." - Psalm 139:13-15

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  - Jeremiah 29:11

"But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become God's children" - John 1:12

"I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father" - John 15:15

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" - Romans 8:1

"We know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you" - 1 Thessalonians 1:4

And as a Christian I am supposed to love my neighbour as myself. As Christians we should be making our friends, families and colleagues loved and valued, we should be trying to be like Jesus to them. And so often we're not. So often we get let down by people who we thought were our friends.

It's a difficult one because there is a balance to be found. My value is found in Christ and my strength to value others should come from Him too. On my own I'm a bit of a bitch, I really don't like the person I am in my head sometimes (though I'm pretty restrained in what actually leaves my mouth!). However, by the same taken, my value is in Christ but therefore my friends and family who are also Christians should stand from a similar position - knowing they are valued and therefore wanting to let others know their intrinsic value.

I need to start relying more on God to help me value others when I'm feeling tired and weary. I need to try and avoid expecting to be valued by others and I will then be able to fully appreciate it when I do receive praise/value from others.  



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