What's in a name?

My name is Laura. It's the name I was given 24 years ago when I was born. But recently, through studying Ruth I've been prompted to think about all the other things I have "named" myself and defined myself with over the years.

I am a nurse. A carer. Lover of babies. Reader. Saved by grace. A friend. Loved. A creative. Knitter. Chatterbox. Writer. Wonky bodied. Redeemed. Forgiven. And many more - but I am also...

Fat. A burden. Ugly. A failure. Unworthy. Anxious. Depressed. And this list too could go on.

I so often tend to cling to the negative names and dwell on the tough parts of life and forget the first list of things. Reading Ruth I realised I am often like Naomi...I take the name of "Mara" or bitterness. At the moment, I am physically and emotionally exhausted; my current placement on a mental health unit is really challenging me and like Naomi there are definitely times where I can't possibly imagine getting through this or how God will possibly step in and redeem this situation. However at times like this I need to stand in the truth that I am loved by a good God, and that I am named by Him, not by my circumstances.

Living my life always hoping that "tomorrow will be better" or the "grass is always greener" just leads to exhaustion and discontent. I need to learn to live in the present moment - acknowledging what I lack but that I also have plenty in Him.

If we are to follow Ruth's example we need to choose God and then all that is left is to wait, trust and obey.

Last week I wanted to throw the towel in and accept that I will never be a nurse. But my friends convinced me to stick with the exhaustion and to just keep plodding with it. Only for a few days later to receive my end of year exam results and be blown away with how well I had done. It reminded me that my hard work is paying off, that I am exhausted and struggling but that God can and will redeem me again.

Who we become and what we appreciate so often comes out of our biggest challenges and darkest places. Yet even though circumstances may change and develop us that will never overrule that we are named by a good God...that I am named Laura, blessed, redeemed, forgiven and always always loved.

Apologies for the jumbled post...I blame the aforementioned exhaustion!

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