Childlike Faith.
I look back on certain photos from my time as a toddler and long to have that freedom once more. To lack inhibitions and fear and the "what if's" that so often overwhelm every day life seems to be a really joyful time.
I obviously don't really have any clear memories from this time - but from what other people have said, I was a fairly anxious child throughout primary school. To an extent - managing anxiety is all I've ever known as it's all I can ever remember. I wonder when I made that transition from joyful toddler to anxious child. I've had my faith in God for many many years (though not quite as long as I've had my old friend anxiety!) but so often I find it hard to trust in God and allow that to alleviate my fears and anxieties.
Over the past two months I've found some of that childlike faith again, upped and left Brighton to start a new chapter in Worcester surrounded by friends, closer to family and part of a fab church that I really feel connected to. There have been some fantastic times in Brighton but it is and always will be a place where I struggled significantly with my physical and mental health. Having enduring mental and physical health issues is something that I'm slowly coming to terms with - I hope that one day my mental health issues really will be a distant memory, but for now I need to accept that there is no quick fix.
The past month has been so overwhelming and full of anxiety yet with a constant undertone of enduring hope and excitement. It's been a time of reflecting on the past five years and recognising how much I've grown. I arrived in Brighton in 2010, a broken and desperate person who swung from one crisis to another and constantly longed for others to rescue me and make it end. 5 years on, I am far more self aware and far more in control of my life.
Prior to leaving Brighton I took a trip up to Beachy Head with Rich and it could not have ended in a better way. Beachy Head reminds me of a friends Mum who killed herself in 2005 and in general, although I hate to admit it I still often find myself feeling traumatised by coastal and cliff areas.As we arrived we saw the police and the Beachy Head Chaplaincy bringing someone down from the cliff edge. I found it hugely emotional and cried as we walked along the cliffs. On our way back to the car we spotted Mandy from the Chaplaincy Team and approached her. I explained my story and we prayed with her. It was such a positive and precious moment. Cliffs are and possibly always will be significant for me - but it was so nice to find hope in what can be such a desperate place for people.
Life feels somewhat like a whirlwind right now...I have a new flat, a new university, a new haircut, a new church and so many new opportunities. I am anxious and I'm overwhelmed but trying to focus on the excitement instead and trust that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)
I obviously don't really have any clear memories from this time - but from what other people have said, I was a fairly anxious child throughout primary school. To an extent - managing anxiety is all I've ever known as it's all I can ever remember. I wonder when I made that transition from joyful toddler to anxious child. I've had my faith in God for many many years (though not quite as long as I've had my old friend anxiety!) but so often I find it hard to trust in God and allow that to alleviate my fears and anxieties.
Over the past two months I've found some of that childlike faith again, upped and left Brighton to start a new chapter in Worcester surrounded by friends, closer to family and part of a fab church that I really feel connected to. There have been some fantastic times in Brighton but it is and always will be a place where I struggled significantly with my physical and mental health. Having enduring mental and physical health issues is something that I'm slowly coming to terms with - I hope that one day my mental health issues really will be a distant memory, but for now I need to accept that there is no quick fix.
The past month has been so overwhelming and full of anxiety yet with a constant undertone of enduring hope and excitement. It's been a time of reflecting on the past five years and recognising how much I've grown. I arrived in Brighton in 2010, a broken and desperate person who swung from one crisis to another and constantly longed for others to rescue me and make it end. 5 years on, I am far more self aware and far more in control of my life.
Prior to leaving Brighton I took a trip up to Beachy Head with Rich and it could not have ended in a better way. Beachy Head reminds me of a friends Mum who killed herself in 2005 and in general, although I hate to admit it I still often find myself feeling traumatised by coastal and cliff areas.As we arrived we saw the police and the Beachy Head Chaplaincy bringing someone down from the cliff edge. I found it hugely emotional and cried as we walked along the cliffs. On our way back to the car we spotted Mandy from the Chaplaincy Team and approached her. I explained my story and we prayed with her. It was such a positive and precious moment. Cliffs are and possibly always will be significant for me - but it was so nice to find hope in what can be such a desperate place for people.
Life feels somewhat like a whirlwind right now...I have a new flat, a new university, a new haircut, a new church and so many new opportunities. I am anxious and I'm overwhelmed but trying to focus on the excitement instead and trust that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)
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