Too well to be sick, too sick to be well.
I have a chronic illness, I will more than likely always have said illness in some shape or form. At times I am totally debilitated by it, but for the most part...I manage, I have a full time job and things are okay.
I am one of the "lucky" ones. I can stand, I can walk...heck, I can even exercise if I'm careful. I can work full-time, cook for myself, drive. But sometimes being "well" isn't all it's cracked up to be. Because in reality...
I am still ill.
I am still dizzy. I am still fatigued. I am still breathless. I am still nauseous. I am still in pain.
Too well to be sick, too sick to be truly well.
Financially and physically, I am better off if I don't work. Emotionally...I love healthcare, I love my job, my future prospects. And I genuinely mean that, I enjoy at least some parts of every shift. I always leave feeling fulfilled.
I will continue to work for as long as my body will allow. I hope I am working for many many years to come. Yet some days I consider the impact on my body and wonder just how sustainable this is.
I am currently enjoying some much needed annual leave, but prior to this...I wasn't really eating, I wasn't really leaving the house except to work. Every spare moment was spent lying in bed, trying to coax my body through. I was completely wiped out with exhaustion (still am to an extent!)
It becomes a cycle...too tired to cook...no energy as no food...too tired to cook and so on.
Living with a chronic illness is harder than I could ever explain. The exhaustion and fatigue I feel on a daily basis are beyond anything I can describe. I am currently sat on a train...it's taken me 3 hours to write this much as my brain is foggy. My legs are heavy with the blood pooled in them. My hips are sore and I feel sick despite a cocktail of anti-emetics. However, despite this...I am sat here feeling utterly content.
There is classical music through my headphones, the West Country zooming by outside in the darkness and a cup of tea beside me. The past few days in Sheffield and the prospect of a few more days resting in Devon has done me the world of good. I am so incredibly tired yet so grateful to have great friends and family who will look after me at times like this :-)
I am one of the "lucky" ones. I can stand, I can walk...heck, I can even exercise if I'm careful. I can work full-time, cook for myself, drive. But sometimes being "well" isn't all it's cracked up to be. Because in reality...
I am still ill.
I am still dizzy. I am still fatigued. I am still breathless. I am still nauseous. I am still in pain.
Too well to be sick, too sick to be truly well.
Financially and physically, I am better off if I don't work. Emotionally...I love healthcare, I love my job, my future prospects. And I genuinely mean that, I enjoy at least some parts of every shift. I always leave feeling fulfilled.
I will continue to work for as long as my body will allow. I hope I am working for many many years to come. Yet some days I consider the impact on my body and wonder just how sustainable this is.
I am currently enjoying some much needed annual leave, but prior to this...I wasn't really eating, I wasn't really leaving the house except to work. Every spare moment was spent lying in bed, trying to coax my body through. I was completely wiped out with exhaustion (still am to an extent!)
It becomes a cycle...too tired to cook...no energy as no food...too tired to cook and so on.
Living with a chronic illness is harder than I could ever explain. The exhaustion and fatigue I feel on a daily basis are beyond anything I can describe. I am currently sat on a train...it's taken me 3 hours to write this much as my brain is foggy. My legs are heavy with the blood pooled in them. My hips are sore and I feel sick despite a cocktail of anti-emetics. However, despite this...I am sat here feeling utterly content.
There is classical music through my headphones, the West Country zooming by outside in the darkness and a cup of tea beside me. The past few days in Sheffield and the prospect of a few more days resting in Devon has done me the world of good. I am so incredibly tired yet so grateful to have great friends and family who will look after me at times like this :-)
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