Steady My Heart.

So...I have made lots of online friends who also have dysautonomia and POTS. A lot of them feel pretty hopeless and it's sad to see that some are losing hope that they can achieve and get their life back. Some have even suggested I'm taking on too much by attempting such an intense Uni. degree and that I might as well give up now. However, I refuse to lose hope and I hope that my experiences of placement whilst relatively stable might help bring some hope back to them. Bright and early this morning! Today was my first day. I made a few mistakes POTS wise but it's okay, I'll learn and get it better tomorrow. So, in one short day the things I have learned about POTS and placement: Fluids. I completely forgot to drink when I usually drink upwards of 3 litres a day. By 5pm, I'd probably had no more than 600mls.  Consequently, I have the most horrific headache (to the point where I've thrown up) and my blood pressure is a rather measly 90/61. Tomorrow will i...

Patient vs. health care provider. I never realised how drastically these two perspectives could affect me. During a hospital admission I heard someone die. It was one of the most traumatic things I've ever experienced. I was warned the lady was unwell when I arrived on the ward, I was told that she was very vocal and confused because she was at the end stages of her life. Two hours later I hear my nurse yell for a "MET" call to be put out. For those who don't know, MET stands for medical emergency team, maybe you're more familiar with the phrase "crash call". Within minutes there are doctors and nurses everywhere. Alarms sounding. The sound of the bed as they did chest compressions. The two minute pulse checks, calls for adrenaline, rhythm checks, ensuring the airway's secured. Two minutes, four minutes, six minutes. Still asystole. A non-shockable rhythm. Dead. I lay in my bed with tears streaming down my face. I never thought I'd feel this ...